the taste of lead on my tongue
pulsating frontal lobe aches
accelerate while my heart slows
i am coming down
but really more up than i’ve been in hours
she looks thinner now
and colder than ever
eyes that i knew to shine
dampen, harken with grey
black, red in her hair
stick between my hands and teeth
and my mouth ripe with vomit
pandemonium pneumonia, roam in
charcoal lungs like distilled aquariums
scaring them, choking phlegm, seize this
moment and lift her unwavering torso
i once invaded that is now too
heavy for my gelatin arms
i release my grasp
her skull cracks
our bond unravels
now sprint because i can’t run fast enough
leave her in the bottom of this dump
and fend for myself like everybody else
cut through the dark like stark knife
lightning invite me
i’ve no sight
blinded by bright scythe trees
eyes still glaze with DMT dreams
suddenly i hesitate
as manic thoughts
seep through her
i envy her dopamine rush
the ultra body trip and for
a fleeting moment that i rage
because i am left all alone
blood stained nude- where’s my faith?
my fortitude?
gnashes in my gut that whisper,
“pigs arrive for scraps if you desert.”
pop the trunk, head to the desert
or maybe daddy’s bed
eat her for dessert
discern her anatomy, contraptions
circumstance that keep me from
dissecting and entering
now shuttling, struggling, shoveling saline bones
stuttering, fluttering, muttering abdominal groans
so very stressed i want to die
fuck this shovel
and this grave
and this trip
and my libido
and an empty room
and being aware
and a fit place on the shelf
lay by her side
hold her blue hand in mine
lay rest to my eyes
and submit me this time
reflection haunt watch me in my waking sleep
follow me to my resting place
aches that needles can’t dissipate
born out of my damned natural state
never evade my reflection
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